


The Sharpest Lives

by Luvingtheshadowhunters



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Almost as depressed as me, Angst, Based on a My Chemical Romance Song, Cutting, Drinking, Freeform, Happy Ending, M/M, Magnus wasnt kidnapped, Malec, Malec didnt get back together, Post-CoLS, Post-Darkwar, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Yes. Most of my fanfictions -are- depressing, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 11:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11782407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvingtheshadowhunters/pseuds/Luvingtheshadowhunters
Summary: After Magnus breaks up with Alec, he was a wreck. But after the Dark War procedes to take his entire family, he starts finding ways to distract himself from the pain. Unhealthy ways. When the Warlock follows Alec into the bathroom after what appears to be a mental break down, what will pursue? Will Magnus be able to save Alec from himself after all this time? Or is it to late?





	1. If it looks like I'm laughing I'm really just asking to leave

**The Sharpest Lives By: My Chemical Romance**

_If I crash on the couch_ __  
_Can I sleep in my clothes?_ __  
_'Cause I've spent the night dancing_ __  
_I'm drunk, I suppose_ __  
_If it looks like I'm laughing_ _  
_ _I'm really just asking to leave_

 

_This alone, you're in time for the show_ __  
_You're the one that I need_ __  
_I'm the one that you loathe_ _  
_ _You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose_

Alec throws back another shot. He leans against the girl next to him. "And that," he announces. "Is how I lost my first tooth." The mundane girl stared at him in shock, never having expected this when the drunk boy had asked if he could tell her a story. "You're brother hit you in the face with the handle of a.. what did you call it?" "A Seraph Blade," He informs her. "You mundies don't know what those are, but just think.. glowing sword." She looks at him blankly. "Are you part of some cult?" Alec laughs bitterly. "I guess you could call it that."

He waves over the bar tender, ordering a margirita. Once he has it, he looks over at the girl. "Wanna dance?" Now. Alec is gay. But just like straight people can turn a little gay when they're drunk, so is it the other way around. Or maybe that's just off the thought, he realizes he just would do anything to get everything off his mind. He had been doing anything. He could feel himself slowly corroding, doing things he never would have done before. Drunk Alec is much different than sober Alec. Alec is rarely sober anymore though.

He went demon hunting drun, trained drunk. The liquid that felt like fire going down his throat is a wonderful distraction. As are the other habits he had picked up. He is ashamed of those particular ones once the alcohol wears off, but drunk Alec doesn't care.

"Sure," the girl, Tala.. Taryn maybe, said now wary. Alec leads the way onto the dance floor. Soon, they're dancing closer than could ever be considered publically acceptable. Bodies brush against theirs, heat radiating off in the way that happens when humans are compacted close together. "You look miserable," Tala maybe Taryn says suddenly. "What?" He asks, confused. No girl or boy he had danced with yet had said something like that. They'd definitly tried to get him in bed, but none had expressed any concern in his wellbeing.

"You look miserable," She repeats. "You've looked that way all night. What's wrong Alec? Why are you here?" Alec feels kind of guilty when he realizes she had gone through the trouble of remembering his name. When he doesn't say anything, she grabs his hand and pulls him back through the sweaty bodies, this time towards the couches in the corner.

Once they sit, she turns to face him. "I can tell you're having no fun. Somethings wrong. That's why you're here and drunk off your ass, isn't it?" Alec scowls. "No," he says defensivly. "Mhm.." She narrows her eyes. Alec holds her gaze as long as he can before he looks away. And when he does, he wishes he hadn't.

You couldn't miss him. Not with the sequins on his shirt reflecting light all over the room like a disco ball. Magnus Bane was five feet away, making out with what looked to be a vampire. Alec and Tala/Taryn hadn't been being that loud. Magnus must have not heard his voice. But when Alec starts laughing in a slightly crazed fashion, Magnus turns with wide eyes. Alec stands. "Guess I was just in time for the show huh? I probably won't ever see you again. Imma go." He keeps laughing as he walks away towards the bathroom.

** MPOV **

Magnus meets Alexander's eyes, still the same bottle blue they've always been but glazed over, when he hears the boy's laughter. It wasn't the soft, beautiful laugh he was accustomed to though. It was disturbing and very concerning. His exboyfriend didn't look to good. And he had disappeared.

Magnus stands, accidentally knocking the girl who he had been kissing off her possition halfway on top of him. "Sorry," he spares her an absent minded glance as he debates whether he should go after Alec. He finally decides he probably should, if only to be a good person. The sound that was just coming out Alec's mouth would haunt him forever. It was so broken while tinged with a bit of insanity. Who knows what he was going to do.

Magnus realizes the boy must have gone into the restroom as he goes in the direction the boy had went. It was hard to tell for sure, but it was as good a start as any. He pushes the door open and there he is. Alec. The boy who betrayed him. The boy he missed so much. The boy he had been trying to get off him mind. The boy he had been aching to see. And here was, laughing so hard he was crying on the floor of a club bathroom, obviously drunk.

"Alexander?" He takes a cautious step towards the Shadowhunter. "Magnus?" Alec looks up at him. If he was surprised to see the Warlock he wasn't showing it. "Can I ask you a question?" "Um.." Magnus' eyebrows furrow, not expecting that. "I suppose so." "How do you do this? How do you bare losing everyone you love like this? What keeps you breathing?" Magnus leans against the wall, considering his answer. The question severly worried him though. What had happened since the last time he talked to the blue eyed boy?

"I just.. keep going I guess? I don't really know," He admits. "Alcohol helps." Alec's eyes turn bitter. "So I've found." "What's going on?" Magnus kneels in front of him, not seeing what harm it could do. Whatever happened, Magnus doubted Alec would remember it in the morning. Alexander closes his eyes and Magnus instantly misses them. He hadn't seen them in so long. "Everyone's gone," Alec says after many long minutes. Magnus had been beginning to think he wasn't gonna respond.

Everyone? "Everyone?" He voices his thoughts. Alec takes a shaky breath. "Yes. Everyone. The war.. Sebastian apparently wasn't satisfied with just taking my little brother." Magnus feels a lump in the back of his throat. Jace, Isabelle, Maryse, Robert, Clary, Simon.. they were all dead? And Magnus hadn't even known. He thinks of his little biscuit. Of Jocelyn the first day she brought Clary to him. Memories of all of them come back and he has to look away from Alec.

Magnus' eyes are back on him pretty quicky though with the Shadowhunter says next. "Ever just not want to do it anymore?" "W-what do you mean?" "Life," Alec seems to absentmindedly play with the hems at the edge of the rips in Magnus' jeans. "Don't say that," Magnus says sharply. Alec jumps, not thinking that was how the Warlock was gonna respond. "Why not? I'm just talking. You didn't have to follow me." Magnus sighs, aggrevated. "It's not that I don't want to hear you speak Alexander. I.." Magnus takes a deep breath, trying to calm down and find words to say.

"Magnus. I don't know if I -can- do this anymore," Alec whispers before he can continue. Suddenly, he stands. "Sorry, I know you don't care. I'm not trying to dump all this on you. I'm sure your girlfriend is waiting on you. I'm leaving anyway." Magnus feels his heart jump a little at the prospect of Alec leaving after what he just admitted. With the state he's in, after everything that happened. Maybe he had been wrong, he had thought Alec had moved on. He guessed seeing him with that chic.. erm.. what's her name had just snapped him finally or something.

"In what world do you believe that I'm letting you walk out of here with out me after what you just said?" Alec opens his mouth to speak but Magnus shakes his head. "I'm bring you to my place tonight, at least till you sober up." "I don't need a babysitter or your pity.. It's really none of your business what I d-" "Be damned it isn't," Magnus glares. "I'm not having it on my concious that I let you walk out of here just to find out you jumped of Brooklyn Bridge tomorrow. Plus.."

Magnus doesn't know why he does it, but suddenly he is placing a soft kiss on the lips of the distressed boy before him. "I care about you Alec. I don't want anything to happen to you. Please. If only for the night, please." It was only in that moment that Magnus noticed that Alec was wet, probably from the rain outside. He was skinnier then he remembered and paler. His lips were chapped, but still soft. And he kinda looked like a drowned puppy in that moment. "Okay," he finally surrenders. "Are we leaving now?"

Magnus nods, helping him off the floor. "Yeah. Did you wanna say goodbye to your friend?" He bites his lip. Alec shakes his head. "No, I'm good. Do.. you wanna say goodbye to yours?" "No. I'm good," He copies Alec's wording. Alec seems to relax a little bit more. Magnus had been right. He wondered if they could ever make things right again. He didn't think that was the first thing on Alec's mind when his family just died.. but maybe one day.

Before long Magnus had managed to get the stumbling Alec up to his apartment, both now soaking wet. He'd have to find the Shadowhunter more clothes before he got sick. "Stay right here," he says, placing the shivering boy on the couch. He goes to his closet, trying to find something that wasn't to to much. He manages to find a black tank top thing. It had rips of the side but it was the most Alecy thing he owned. And it was nothing like anything Alec would ever wear. He does how ever have some just regular grey sweatpants.

"Here," he tosses the clothes to the boy once he was back in the living room. "Go change before you catch a cold." Alexander examines the clothes handed to him just as Magnus had expected him to. He had never cared much for Magnus' taste in fashion. What he didn't expect however was the odd request that came next. "Do you have anything with long sleeves?" Magnus gives him a strange look. "No. I donate all my winter clothes once it's over." Alec frowns. "If you're cold, I can get you a blanket," Magnus offers. "I think I'll just stay in these clothes."

Magnus looks him over. "Well. One. You're simply ruining my couch cushions. Two. No. I'm serious about you getting sick." "But-" "Alec," He runs a hand down his face. "Please. Just stop arguing with me and go change." "Fine," Alec mutters.

By the time Alec was out of the bathroom, Magnus was already changed and sitting on the couch with a blanket in hand. He smiles at the boy, offering the yellow quilt to him. It was the one they used to sleep with when Alec lived here. Magnus took it off the second they broke up, but he couldn't bare to get rid of it.

Alec carefully manouvers around the couch and sits beside Magnus before the taking it and wrapping it around his entire body. Magnus glances at the thermostat. It wasn't that cold in here, was it? He sighs, turning on the t.v.

You'd think the situation would be awkward. His drunk exboyfriend, huddled in a cacoon beside him. But no. It felt almost normal. Magnus looks down at Alec. His head was nearest to him, his feet outstretched the other way. He finds himself running his fingers through the damp ebony hair that was so familiar to him. Alec jumps at first, but them relaxes even more than before and lets it happen. He was glad he was helping the boy calm down from his slight state of hysteria earlier. Alec looked so tired, he hoped he got some sleep soon.

Alec didn't though. He lie there, cuddling into Magnus' hand and just staring off into space. This went on until whatever movie they were pretending watch went off. "Alexander?" Magnus whispers. "Hmm," The boy looks up at him, broke out of his daze. "Arn't you tired?" Alec shrugs. "If you are, you can go ahead and go to sleep." Magnus shakes his head, "I'm fine." He rubs Alec's cheek gently with his thumb and Alec smiles weakly. "Why are you doing this Magnus?" "Doing what darling?" He asks, though he's sure he knows what Alec means.

Alec shivers slightly, at what Magnus wasn't sure. There's no way he was still cold that tightly wrapped in that blanket. "Acting like.. like we never broke up or something." Magnus swallows. "Maybe.. maybe because I wish we hadn't.." He says so quietly, he didn't know if Alec would even be able to hear him. Alec bites his lip though, a sign he was thinking. He'd heard.

"If niether of us want to be apart from each other.. why are we?" Alexander sits up, keeping the blanket around him the entire time. "We made stupid mistakes," Magnus shrugs, but his breath catches ever so slightly at Alec's words. "Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?"


	2. Drop the dagger and the lather the blood on your hand Romeo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sharpest Lives Pt2  
> A light to burn all the empires  
> So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be  
> In love with all of these vampires  
> So you can leave like the sane abandoned me
> 
> There's a place in the dark where the animals go  
> You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow  
> Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands  
> Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo
> 
> I've really been on a bender and it shows  
> So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?

**APOV:**

 

“Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?” Alec asks the Warlock, unconciously scooting backwards a little as his fear of rejection gets the best of him. He can see as Magnus hesitates and he takes a shaky breath. “I don't think..” Magnus starts. “I don't think this is a conversation we should have right now. In the morning.. when you're sober..”

Alec shakes his head. “I'm sober enough,” he slurs. “Just please,” he looks down. “Tell me what I have to do.. If there is anything I can do.. Even if we never get back together, I need to know that you arn't mad at me anymore.. That you'll remember me, you know if you want to remember me cause you don't have too obviously,” he is really rambling at this point. “But like if you were too, that you'd at least not hate the memory. That would kill me- well I guess I'd already be dead wouldn't I? But-” “Alexander,” Magnus interrupts, exasperation clear in his voice. Alec shuts up quickly, realizing he's probably immensley annoying his ex boyfriend.

Magnus though, moves closer to him surprising him. “You really are drunk arn't you?” He asks, his cat eyes looking at Alec with an emotion the boy couldn't quite place. “No I-” “Alec, I've forgiven you. I did a long time ago, okay? It.. wasn't your fault. I told you I cared about you earlier-” “You told me you loved me at the Subway station too but that didn't change anything,” Alec mutters bitterly. Magnus narrows his eyes. “I'd appreciate it if you'd let me finish. What I meant was,” Alec lets his fingers be intertwined with Magnus'. “I told you I cared about you. But if I cared about you, or loved you as you said, as much I said I did I would have trusted you from the beginning. But I didn't. And for that, I'm sorry,” Magnus averts his eyes. Alec analyzes everything he says as if he's a teenage girl on her first date.

“I'm ready to trust you now though,” The Warlock says after a few moments of silence. “If,” Magnus swallows, seeming nervous as he looks back up. “You'd be willing to give me another chance that is.”

Alec looks at him disbelief. “You broke up with me, remember?” And as an unexperienced, young and in love with boy, another chance is exactly what he is going to give Magnus. He needs Magnus as well as he's all he has left at this point. “I remember Alexander,” Magnus whispers.

 

**MPOV:**

 

Magnus definitley remembered. But- “Is that a yes?” He asks, not completely sure. Alec nods. “Oh thank God,” he mutters, grabbing the boy around his waist and pulling him for a kiss. Alexander wraps them both in the blanket as he wraps his arms around Magnus' neck. Which is fine until they start lying down until Magnus was on top of Alec, deepening the kiss.

“Alec,” He tugs at the blanket. “Come on, I'll keep you warm,” he winks. He is just wanting full movement, which is hard with Magnus trapped under a too warm blanket. Honestly how has Alec been laying with this on him the last two hours? So he is surprised when Alec starts to pull a way, looking a like a startled deer. “Darling?” He raises an eyebrow, confused at the sudden change of heart. “I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to get your clothes off or anything,” he trails a nuckle down the side of his, finally, newly re-appointed boyfriend. He had rolled off Alexander, and is trapped on his side in between him and the back of the couch. Alec has wrapped himself back into the damn blanket. “I know you are probably not ready for that again quite ye-”

“No,” Alec looks at him quickly, startling Magnus so he pulls his hand back,then goes red as he hears how loud he'd been. “I mean, no,” he says more calmly. “It's not that.. Well. I don't want to do it right this second, but it's got nothing to do with you I promise. I-I'm just cold and I'm kind of tired now that I think about it. Arn't you? Why don't we go to bed? I've missed sleeping with you,” he freezes. “I mean sleeping.. in the same bed. Not that I haven't missed the other,” he adds quickly. “That's just not all I've missed and-” Magnus puts a finger on his lips, shushing him, making the boy go redder. “Calm down Alexander,” he pulls back his hand, pecking the Shadowhunter's lip. “It's fine. Yes, we can go to bed if that's what you wish.”

Alec smiles weakly making Magnus' heart skip a beat when he sees it. It has been so long since he saw Alec smile. But the boy is hiding something. He just doesn't know what. “Thank you.” Magnus nods, standing. He offers a hand to Alec who acts as if he didn't see it when he gets up and starts towards the bedroom. The yellow duvet is taking up both of his hands. Magnus is starting to regret giving a him a blanket.

Magnus watches almost in slow motion as Alexander crashes to the ground, tangled in the goddamn blanket, looking stunned as he falls. It's funny how a person can drink, walk around a while even, then sit down and get up and face plant. Well not funny right now, but more sometimes still surprising in Magnus' long life that is running out of surprised.

“Alexander!” He kneels beside him. “Are you okay baby? God, you're more drunk then I thought. Please tell me you don't walk the streets like this.” Alec looks away, obviously guilty. Magnus sighs, exasperated. Well, he wouldn't be doing it anymore if Magnus has anything to do with it. “Come on,” Magnus lifts Alec into his arms bridal style. “Upsy..Alec,” He grins. But it slowly slips off his face.

The blanket lay abanoned on the floor as Magnus takes in what exactly Alec has been hiding from him all night. Alec who had also been smiling loopily, slowly stops, realizing what has happened. He struggles in Magnus' arms. “Magnus,” The boy frowns, trying his best to get his boyfriend to release him. Magnus only holds him tighter though.

Magnus carries Alexander despite his protests to his, well their's again he guesses, room. He sets the boy on the bed and Alec immediately makes a dive to for the door, but Magnus is anticipating this. He catches the boy in his arms again. “Alec,” he whispers. “Please, you promised me till morning at leasts. You can't even walk.” Alec pulls at his arms weakly for a few more seconds before finally giving up. Magnus loosens his grip on on Alec and once he's sure the boy won't try to dart again, drop his arms completely.

The two boys are sitting criss cross, facing each other. Magnus is staring straight at Alec and Alec is looking anywhere but Magnus. “I'm not going to ask why,” Magnus says after a few minutes. “I'm guessing I've heard the reasons?” He waits for Alec to affirm, getting a weak nod. “Then.. can I at least ask you don't do it again?”

Alec finally meets Magnus' eyes now, looking pained. “I mean you can ask...” He bites his lip. Magnus frowns. “What's that supposed to mean?” “It means.. I don't know if I can? Just like that.. you know?” Magnus takes the words in slowly, letting them sink in before he responds.

“I don't know..” Magnus shakes his head. “I've never.. had the desire before. I wish you never did,” he takes Alec's hand gently. He says this even though he knows there is no use in wishing, what's done is done. He feels slightly guilty though, again wishing, he had never broken up with Alec. If he hadn't, would Alec ever have felt the need to do this? He guesses there is only one thing to do now though. Just make sure Alec knows he's there and make sure he stops this.

“Could you do me a favor at least?” When Alec doesn't respond with anything more than a wary glance, Magnus continues. “Come to me? Whenever you want to do this.. I love you Alec..” Alec opens his mouth but then Magnus remembers why he brought him here in the first place as his mind races. Not only because of how drunk he was. But because of the comment. The one about not being able to do it anymore.

“What were you planning on doing tonight.. if I had not brought you here?” He asks quietly before Alexander can respond. Alec opens his mouth and then closes, seeming to consider whether to answer or not. “The truth?” 'No Alec, please tell me all your pretty lies. I'm sure you have plenty of them in this area.' Magnus stops this bitter trail of thought. Alec has no one to lie to anymore. Not like all the other people he'd met with suicidal tendancies, with all of their elaborate tales.

Alec isn't a liar anyway. He is a very straight forward person. He isn't asking if he should lie, he's asking Magnus if he really wants to hear the truth. The Warlock isn't sure. After slight thought though, he nods. He has to know at this point. Alec nods. “I was planning to jump off.. Brooklyn Bridge actually..” The Shadowhunter lets out a hollow laugh at the horrible irony of it all.

Magnus' heart stops at Alec's words, not finding it quite as funny. He'd expected them of course but.. Oh God, what if he hadn't been at that club tonight? What would he have done finding out Alexander was dead? Or would he have found out, he didn't hear of the others.. Then again, some Downworlder would have probably heard and felt the need to tell him of his exboyfriend's tragic suicide.

“Magnus?” Magnus is broken out of his slight panic as he feels Alec's hand on his cheek and he zones back into the conversation. He takes in the boy's slightly nervous blue eyes. Nervous he'd be mad possibly? He isn't mad. He's just aggrevated he could not have stopped it, not really. He could never have known this was gonna happen.

Then Magnus throws his arms around Alec. Alec lets out a startled yelp, not expecting this reaction. He hugs him back quickly though, burying his neck in the Warlock's neck. “I'm sorry.. I'm not trying to upset you.. you asked.. I didn't even mean for you to see my arms.. I'm so sorry..” Magnus just holds him tighter.

Stupid boy. He'd never be more glad then he is now he saw what is on the boy's arms, glad the boy wasn't able to hide his pain as he usually does. Maybe he can help now. He isn't letting this continue no matter what, but he's pretty sure Alexander will help Magnus help him. Alec has a deep rooted, obviously unhealthy, need to be needed. And until now, he's been pretty alone. Even as far as his Shadowhunter duty to protect Mundanes, Magnus knows Alec takes his job very seriously. He also knows Alec doesn't always feel appreciated on the job. But Magnus, he needed Alec. Immortals often run out of reasons to breath, but as long as Alec is breathing he will also be.

“Alec, please stop apologizing. I just.. I don't want to imagine that.. please,” Magnus kisses the side of his head. “Just promise me you'll come to me from now on, I don't want to,I can't,lose you.” He rubs the shaking boy's back soothingly.

“I..” Alexander hesitates and he tenses. “Yes, okay.” Magnus sighs in relief. “I'll talk to you next time.” Alec says next time, cause he knows there will be a next time. Once it starts, there always seems to be a next time he's heard. Magnus is, however, just happy that Alec agreed at the moment. He isn't planning on losing his Nephlim any time soon.

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I love you so much Alexander Lightwood.” Alec kisses Magnus' cheek. “I love you too Magnus Bane.”

 

A/N: Number one feedback needed* How cringe worthy and clique was that?

 


End file.
